Hello Mami and Papi,
I don't know how else to approach you in order to explain my
reasoning behind my life changing decision and have you listen and
understand at the same time.
Since I can long remember I have not be a strong believer of
Christianity, there was a lot that did not make sense to me, for
example, why I have to beg for forgiveness to a priest? Why I have to
pray to saints and not straight to God, why is Jesus the SON of God,
why are their SOO many versions of the bible?
Prior to the beginning of my sophomore semester (September 2005) my
curiosity took its place and I went ahead and began doing some
research. This research of course was mild, but when Ramadan hit in
October of 2005 I observed the way my Muslim friends used to worship
Allah (God) and how they were so true to their religion, it was
beautiful...
The religion became a fascination to me, and I truly
wanted to know more. I purchased a few books in the UK and read some
pamphlets on the religion. I did not make any decisions but I
continued to read and become more familiar to Islam.
Islam began making sense to me, the idea that we pray only to Allah,
that we ask Allah for help and for forgive us, how a book (the Quran)
that was written thousands of years ago remains unchanged as of today
(there are different translations but no different versions) . Also
how a book that was written years ago managed to explain scientific
situations that was only discovered by man kind only a couple of year
ago. Or how the Quran has managed to explains how babies develop in
the womb? How would anyone thousands of years ago know this and in
such detail? Especially since scientist discovered the explanation of
these situations less that 100 years ago?? How can we explain those
wonders of the book? Also how can I deny the holy book when it has
been so clear in explaining advanced technology, how the day turns
into the night, the creation of human beings by water (as we know
scientifically to be known that we came from cells) layers of heaven
(which we describe now in scientific terms as the atmospheric
levels?). Furthermore, the beginning of the universe and the movement
of tectonic plates (there are numerous other examples of the science
behind the Quran).
What also has touched me is that Islam believes in
ALL THE PROPHETS - JESUS MOSES DAVID ABRAHAM AND MOHAMMAD (pbuh) they
all coexist in he Quran, the Quran also tells us that we must respect
ALL religions. Mami and Papi, I can not explain how many times I have
made my self clear to you of what I believed in, I could not have
given myself away anymore! Every time I spoke hours and hours on end
about Islam, and how I knew so much.
Also I began of interacting more with Muslim friends; I felt that
they would be able to give me a clear explanation of Islam.
Also
Islam played a major part in self respect, and it helped my
appreciate my self more, and realize that I should stay away from
harmful situation such as drinking, smoking, going out with people
that only meant trouble. I told you what my friends were like, they
were heading the wrong direction, and I did not want to be in that
direction and believing in Islam made it easier for me to walk away
from the powers of shayten and do better.
Also Islam was and has been
the reason for my success in school. I have placed my mind in my
studies instead of going out all the time as my old friends did, and
trust me you would not like me to be like them, because if I had been
than you would have every single reason to think I was a bad person,
that I was irresponsible and that I was a disgrace to the family.
After almost one year of studying Islam I had no doubt in my mind
that it was not the right religion.
I was prepared to become a Sunni
Muslim. In early June 2006 I attended the mosque in Westbury NY to
ask further questions about Islam and after speaking to a sister and
the imam of the mosque I knew that it was time to make the right
decision. I did shahada around 2 weeks later which is the Islamic
creed; it means to testify or to bear witness in Arabic, the
declaration of the belief. I stated in front of 80- 100 Muslims "ash
hadu anla ilaha illallah, wa ash hadu anla Mohammad roosul Allah"
which translates to "I believe in one and only God and Mohammad is
his messenger" It was such a beautiful experience. I had been
accepted into the Islam. I was welcomed by every single Muslim at the
mosque with open arms, I felt too special, it felt so right, I knew I
had made the best decision in my life, and it was something that was
going to bring positive sides of me. It is so hard to explain the
rush, and the emotional and faith satisfaction that I had at that
moment, but I knew there was something wrong, that I was not able to
celebrate my happiness with the people in my life that I loved the
most, the meant to most to me, and that was you and papi. The moment
was wonderful but not complete. I really wish you could have been as
proud of me as I was for myself.
It hurt so much to think and feel that my biggest challenge would be to openly tell you about me and
Islam, about me and my faith, about me and my happiness. I know that
you both want the best for me, you want me to be happy and you want
me to be responsible, and you want me to be independent and make the
RIGHT decisions. I have done the right decision, and I made it all
by myself, and I read about Islam all by myself, I discovered Islam
in me all by myself, IT WAS ME who made every decision from the point
were I began in the Islamic interest to the point where I am now.
I can't lie to you and tell you I had no influences because how else
would I have been influenced by wanting to know more about Islam?
Well from observing other people. How do we know as humans whether
eating a chocolate cake taste good or not? We taste it, we try others
to compare and then we make a final decision and if we like it we
continue to eat if we don't then we disregard it.
Mami and Papi, I know I might seem weak sometimes in certain
situations, and I know I display signs of vulnerability , but
converting into Islam was decided by me, its hard and it hurts to
think that all this studying, research of Islam and me converting has
been credited to someone else, but at the end of the day the only one
that knows the truth is God and it is to him that I will be standing
in front of on the day of Judgment, and it is him that knows
everything.
I believe in Islam, I believe in God, the only difference between
Christianity and Islam that I don't believe in is that Jesus is the
son of God BUT I DO BELIEVE THAT HE WAS A MESSENGER OF GOD. It is
stated in the Quran that all the prophets were messengers of God,
they all came to spread the news and religion of God, but that they
all came in their own time, and that Mohammad (pbuh) was the last
messenger of God.
I know my word is hard to believe after the incidents these past two
days, but there is nothing more that I can do to prove to both of you
when it comes to the decisions that I made about Islam.
And most importantly I want you both to understand that it is
virtually impossible to explain ALL of my reasoning behind my belief
in Islam, this email is not even 1/100th of it all, I have spent
hours and hours and hours speaking to others about my feeling towards
Islam, and I wish and pray to Allah that one day I will be able to
express everything I feel about Islam with both of you.
I still remain to be the daughter that you had almost 21 years ago, it has
not changed the way I feel about you, you still are the most
important people in my life, I love you both more than anything, I
just have a different belief and its one which will bring you no
shame, it will not physically hurt you, and I will not patronize our
relationship.
I love you both very much and I only pray for the best,
Carolina Amirah DeFonseca
I don't know how else to approach you in order to explain my
reasoning behind my life changing decision and have you listen and
understand at the same time.
Since I can long remember I have not be a strong believer of
Christianity, there was a lot that did not make sense to me, for
example, why I have to beg for forgiveness to a priest? Why I have to
pray to saints and not straight to God, why is Jesus the SON of God,
why are their SOO many versions of the bible?
Prior to the beginning of my sophomore semester (September 2005) my
curiosity took its place and I went ahead and began doing some
research. This research of course was mild, but when Ramadan hit in
October of 2005 I observed the way my Muslim friends used to worship
Allah (God) and how they were so true to their religion, it was
beautiful...
The religion became a fascination to me, and I truly
wanted to know more. I purchased a few books in the UK and read some
pamphlets on the religion. I did not make any decisions but I
continued to read and become more familiar to Islam.
Islam began making sense to me, the idea that we pray only to Allah,
that we ask Allah for help and for forgive us, how a book (the Quran)
that was written thousands of years ago remains unchanged as of today
(there are different translations but no different versions) . Also
how a book that was written years ago managed to explain scientific
situations that was only discovered by man kind only a couple of year
ago. Or how the Quran has managed to explains how babies develop in
the womb? How would anyone thousands of years ago know this and in
such detail? Especially since scientist discovered the explanation of
these situations less that 100 years ago?? How can we explain those
wonders of the book? Also how can I deny the holy book when it has
been so clear in explaining advanced technology, how the day turns
into the night, the creation of human beings by water (as we know
scientifically to be known that we came from cells) layers of heaven
(which we describe now in scientific terms as the atmospheric
levels?). Furthermore, the beginning of the universe and the movement
of tectonic plates (there are numerous other examples of the science
behind the Quran).
What also has touched me is that Islam believes in
ALL THE PROPHETS - JESUS MOSES DAVID ABRAHAM AND MOHAMMAD (pbuh) they
all coexist in he Quran, the Quran also tells us that we must respect
ALL religions. Mami and Papi, I can not explain how many times I have
made my self clear to you of what I believed in, I could not have
given myself away anymore! Every time I spoke hours and hours on end
about Islam, and how I knew so much.
Also I began of interacting more with Muslim friends; I felt that
they would be able to give me a clear explanation of Islam.
Also
Islam played a major part in self respect, and it helped my
appreciate my self more, and realize that I should stay away from
harmful situation such as drinking, smoking, going out with people
that only meant trouble. I told you what my friends were like, they
were heading the wrong direction, and I did not want to be in that
direction and believing in Islam made it easier for me to walk away
from the powers of shayten and do better.
Also Islam was and has been
the reason for my success in school. I have placed my mind in my
studies instead of going out all the time as my old friends did, and
trust me you would not like me to be like them, because if I had been
than you would have every single reason to think I was a bad person,
that I was irresponsible and that I was a disgrace to the family.
After almost one year of studying Islam I had no doubt in my mind
that it was not the right religion.
I was prepared to become a Sunni
Muslim. In early June 2006 I attended the mosque in Westbury NY to
ask further questions about Islam and after speaking to a sister and
the imam of the mosque I knew that it was time to make the right
decision. I did shahada around 2 weeks later which is the Islamic
creed; it means to testify or to bear witness in Arabic, the
declaration of the belief. I stated in front of 80- 100 Muslims "ash
hadu anla ilaha illallah, wa ash hadu anla Mohammad roosul Allah"
which translates to "I believe in one and only God and Mohammad is
his messenger" It was such a beautiful experience. I had been
accepted into the Islam. I was welcomed by every single Muslim at the
mosque with open arms, I felt too special, it felt so right, I knew I
had made the best decision in my life, and it was something that was
going to bring positive sides of me. It is so hard to explain the
rush, and the emotional and faith satisfaction that I had at that
moment, but I knew there was something wrong, that I was not able to
celebrate my happiness with the people in my life that I loved the
most, the meant to most to me, and that was you and papi. The moment
was wonderful but not complete. I really wish you could have been as
proud of me as I was for myself.
It hurt so much to think and feel that my biggest challenge would be to openly tell you about me and
Islam, about me and my faith, about me and my happiness. I know that
you both want the best for me, you want me to be happy and you want
me to be responsible, and you want me to be independent and make the
RIGHT decisions. I have done the right decision, and I made it all
by myself, and I read about Islam all by myself, I discovered Islam
in me all by myself, IT WAS ME who made every decision from the point
were I began in the Islamic interest to the point where I am now.
I can't lie to you and tell you I had no influences because how else
would I have been influenced by wanting to know more about Islam?
Well from observing other people. How do we know as humans whether
eating a chocolate cake taste good or not? We taste it, we try others
to compare and then we make a final decision and if we like it we
continue to eat if we don't then we disregard it.
Mami and Papi, I know I might seem weak sometimes in certain
situations, and I know I display signs of vulnerability , but
converting into Islam was decided by me, its hard and it hurts to
think that all this studying, research of Islam and me converting has
been credited to someone else, but at the end of the day the only one
that knows the truth is God and it is to him that I will be standing
in front of on the day of Judgment, and it is him that knows
everything.
I believe in Islam, I believe in God, the only difference between
Christianity and Islam that I don't believe in is that Jesus is the
son of God BUT I DO BELIEVE THAT HE WAS A MESSENGER OF GOD. It is
stated in the Quran that all the prophets were messengers of God,
they all came to spread the news and religion of God, but that they
all came in their own time, and that Mohammad (pbuh) was the last
messenger of God.
I know my word is hard to believe after the incidents these past two
days, but there is nothing more that I can do to prove to both of you
when it comes to the decisions that I made about Islam.
And most importantly I want you both to understand that it is
virtually impossible to explain ALL of my reasoning behind my belief
in Islam, this email is not even 1/100th of it all, I have spent
hours and hours and hours speaking to others about my feeling towards
Islam, and I wish and pray to Allah that one day I will be able to
express everything I feel about Islam with both of you.
I still remain to be the daughter that you had almost 21 years ago, it has
not changed the way I feel about you, you still are the most
important people in my life, I love you both more than anything, I
just have a different belief and its one which will bring you no
shame, it will not physically hurt you, and I will not patronize our
relationship.
I love you both very much and I only pray for the best,
Carolina Amirah DeFonseca
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